Cover Me

 

Much sleeker than the one I imagined up just for funsies a year ago.

Back-cover text explosion:

"A breakneck tale of kick-ass, wise-ass, sexy-ass lesbians and ZOMBIES, Eat Your Heart Out opens on what promises to be another tediously annoying day at Ashbee’s Furniture Outlet. Then the strip-mall calm of Nowhere, Ohio, is shattered by the sudden, simultaneous appearance of Renni Ramirez—hyper-competent star of the beloved Rising Evil B-movie franchise—and actual ZOMBIES, leaving Ashbee’s hapless staff and Renni trapped behind an automatic door they can’t lock.

Can failed creative-writing student/apprentice store manager/eagle-eyed markswoman Devin escape the besieged furniture store to rescue her girlfriend? Will Renni’s experience slaughtering motion-captured CGI monsters save the day before the army bombs the town? Once bitten, how many zombies can a person expect to take out before succumbing to infection? Who is the mysterious Deus Ex Machina, and what is he doing with that bone saw?

All of these questions and more whisper behind the scream of the single most important thing Devin needs to know in order to survive: is Renni a top or a bottom?"

As you can see, a lot has changed since I wrote my first cover-letter for this little story.

I'll be doing a Goodreads giveaway for this title sometime in November/December. Check back!

Get ready to Eat Your Heart Out

("Get ready for Eat Your Heart Out?")

I haven't updated this thing in four months! But that's okay, neither has Hyperbole and a Half. What is up with that, Allie? That's right, I'm talking to you like I know you. What? What, huh? Draw a frikkin' funny picture already!

*Ahem*

Excellent news in the land o' me: my little zombie novel that could is being published by BrazenHead, a queer-themed speculative fiction imprint of Lethe Press!

I am super excited, it is incalculable.  But I'll try anyway:

Z x 7.6 <.999X - 2 + 76% > 0 / shfifty-five = EXCITEMENTRAGE

Minus the rage. Something got mixed up in the calculation there. I shoulda carried the Z?

Anyway, you guys, you can read this book this November, hooray! Can you feel the excitementrage? If I ever start my own small press, that is what I am calling it. ExcitementRage. Yes.

IN THE MEANTIME, you can read a little about the book here. It is a novella, which means it is a short novel, which means you can keep it on your toilet tank and flip through it a couple times a day (depending on how regular you are) and probably finish it in about a week. Maybe less. You have to take the average amount of time you spend pooping and divide that by how many pages per minute you can read and multiply that by the number of pages in the book, and.....NO MORE CALCULATIONS. It's a quick read, is what I'm saying.

I am still in the editing phase, which is a bit weird, because it's like workshop, only it's over email, and mostly I have learned that I am a terrible speller and I need to invest in a dictionary or thesaurus. I will post more info closer to the release date, which is sometime in November. (That is so symmetrical...I started writing the book last November and this November it is being published...SYMMETRY! ALE OF THE GODS. That's my next book title.)