There Was A Lot of Competition

I'm honored to announce that The Rainbow Reader has bestowed upon Eat Your Heart Out the much-coveted award for Pioneering Use of a Cheating Ex-Stripper Girlfriend-Cum-Gun-Wielding Warrior Babe in a Zombie Apocalypse.

My book was up against a lot of heavy hitters in this category, and it only squeaked to the top by a very slim margin. This award means so much not only to me but to all the gun-wielding ex-stripper girlfriends out there whose hard work against the zombie regime goes virtually unnoticed. Raise a glass to the warrior babe in your life, and then slam that glass down into the eye of that zombie that's gnawing on your leg. (Seriously, dude, it's right on top of you.)

My thanks to Salem West. And you should check out the other clever awards for some pretty boss books on her list here. 

Honored to be Mentioned

This week, The Rainbow Awards anointed my little zombie-novella-that-could, Eat Your Heart Out, with two Honorable Mentions in the categories of Best Lesbian Debut Novel/Book and Best Lesbian Sci-Fi/Fantasy!

I'm deeply grateful to have had my story considered for this award. With the publication of my own little queer book, I have slowly throughout this past year been immersing myself more and more into the world of queer literature, and much like a virgin on her wedding night, I am discovering it is bigger than I imagined! The Rainbow Awards are great because it is an effort of love that achieves positive and inclusive visibility for all aspects of queer literature.

From the website: "More than 480 books, almost 150 judges, all over the world, and many, many submissions, from indie publishers, from mainstream publishers and a lot of self-published authors."

I was very impressed with the list of winners (more titles to add to my To Read list!), and with the positive comments from some of the judges for each title. Even the Honorable Mentions got blurbed. For EYHO: "Funny, engaging and oh yeah... zombies." –Julie W."Fast paced, action packed story with a different spin on the zombie genre. I really liked the chemistry between the MC's". –Tammy.

I want to thank everyone involved with these awards (it seems like a massive undertaking!), and everyone who has read and reviewed Eat Your Heart Out over this past year, and especially Steve Berman of Lethe Press and Alex Jeffers of BrazenHead, for all your extremely awesome support of my endeavors and of queer fiction in general. Let us continue to move gayly forward!

Look How Red My Face Gets When I Say "Penis!"

Here is video from a reading I did at Velvet Revolution, the student-run reading series at San Francisco State University!

The first 8 minutes is a chapter from Eat Your Heart Out, and the last four is a bit of a short story or somesuch called "Off Your Chest" (it's about a movie star and her sexy times).

Observe how I attempt to calm my nerves by avoiding eye contact AT ALL COSTS!

Live-blogging Pretty Little Liars

A more accurate title might be "Stream-of-consciousness Blogging PLL." Since it will not be "live" by the time you read this. Also I may edit it to make myself seem as though I have some sort of grasp on how to spell and grammer good.

So Pretty Little Liars is baaaaasically the most ludicrous show on television. And I mean that as a compliment. I am in love with it.  You know that part in Whip It! when Ellen Page's parents are all, "No Roller Derby for you! It will interfere with your schooling and stunt your growth and turn you gay and make you move to Austin!" And Juno is all, "But I'm IN LOVE with this!" And that guy from Home Alone is all, "I told you! Gay!" You know that part? Yeah, my love for PLL is like that part of that movie I just described there.

Anyway, I've had a lot of sugar and caffeine and there's a super storm outside my window, so here we go:

DO I EVEN HAVE TO TELL YOU THERE WILL BE SPOILERS???

There will be spoilers.


Season 3, Episode 1

An animal shelter for pocket dogs?! Is this the best thing, or the BEST thing?

Doesn't Emily still have a hole in her stomach? Put down the vodka!

Bringing up your dead girlfriend at a party. Dowwwner.

I'm so glad they haven't changed these opening credits.

But I thought the only shovel in all of Rosewood was locked up in "evidence" at the "Police Station"!

I think the name of their crack mystery team should be Conclusion Jumpers.

No one besides Jayne is blaming you.

The anniversary of when you hooked up anonymously with a teenager in a bar bathroom? Super romantic.

Spencer is always trying to go on little dates with the other girls, and they are always like, "No thank you I have a boyfr--wait, what am I saying? Yes please! Can we wear costumes?"

Pretty lax security for a criminal insane asylum there, Rosewood.

LESBIAN ANGST! ..oh wait...That's just regular mourning angst. My bad. Carry on.

"Someday, we will all have jubilation." Hannah is my favorite.

The one thing these ladies should have done on their summer vacation was take a dang self-defense class!

Aaaand now they all have ulcers!



Wellllll that was fun for me. You know what else is fun? Heather Hogan's recaps at AfterEllen.com. Check 'em out.

Poetic Amusings

Recently, I came across a folder full of shitty poems I wrote for my mandatory undergrad class. They are hilarious, as I am seemingly incapable of writing poetry unless it is super emo (hilarious by nature) or intentionally a joke (jokes are funny even - or especially - when they fail!). It's not that I don't enjoy reading the occasional poetry book, or admire those who take writing poetry seriously. It's just that I really, really suck at it. Therefore, I thought you make like to laugh with/at me. Here are some poems plus doodles I did in my workbook during class:

Prompt: definition poem ("blank is blank")
This prompt is causing trouble
For my poor distracted mind
My eyes seek something solid
My pen could then define.
There's snow and brick and paper
And people all around
But a headache's creeping in
And like a tape rewound
This poem will end where it began
As nothing, safe and sound.


Prompt: dramatic poem from pov of family member.

My Dog Talks About Our Family Vacation

You are all smiles, tight, pulled at the corners, stretched
Over a face meant to frown.
I know what's up.
I know it is too good to be true
Too much to dream
When I've been in the yard all day

Chasing after phantom squirrels
Evasive as the wind, endless.
You've been stacking objects on top of other objects
In that thing that takes you away.
You can't catch me with that sweet allure of people food
Straight from your plate to my watering mouth.
I'm wagging my tail but I'm not happy.
I'm chewing your treats but I don't want them.
Because the next thing is hands
Choking, pulling -- damn this collar!
Your cooing voices urgent and annoyed --
At me? I've done nothing.
Yet here I am. One more smile from you,
Same false promise, as he door shuts and my cage is locked.
My voice reverberates of the tiles; the water in my dish dimples.
I crash back and forth, nails scraping, slipping.
I lie down and seem to sleep forever
Dreaming of the squirrels,
My phantoms.

 

 

Prompt: imitation poem

While you were out
Your brother was in --
In me.
He has a tenderness,
A passionate caress
That I have never known
From you.
I orgasmed

At least
Six
Times.
But I feel really bad about it.
P.S.
Don't forget to pick up Suzie from ballet.

 

 

Prompt: a song to welcome spring

Spring spring time to sing
Time to interrupt sleep stupid birds
Spring spring the blooms it brings
Trampled by rushing boots
Spring spring play on the swing
Not while this wasp lays eggs in my bed

This One's Just Punny

The little boy in the bike accident
Looks to his mom and says, check it out, ma,
No hands! Waving stumps in the air
As he flies down the hospital corridor
In his wheelchair.

 

 

Meanwhile....

Hello, friends. Do you know what I did last month? I will tell you what I did last month.

I FRIGGIN' GRADUATED!

You may now address me as Master Ingram, but it is not required.

Holy balls, it feels weird to be finished with school. Congruent with graduating, and as part of my final project, I finished writing the manuscript for All Good Children, a dystopian horror novel I've been working on for over three years. Completing both of these things at the same time has me feeling...I don't know...empty, in a weird way. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS!

So. Two huge parts of my life have come to a (exciting and satisfactory!) close. What's next?

Well I'm looking for an agent and continuing to send out short stories. I'm writing less but trying to be okay with that (permission to take a break, please!). And, uh, I don't know. Figuring it out as I go. It's fun and scary and amazing and overwhelming. Here is a picture that represents my feelings right now:

Goddamn I wish I could marry that baby. But not in a pedo way. No pedo!

GUESS WHAT ELSE??


Eat Your Heart Out snagged itself a couple of tasty reviews over the past weeks!

The Bay Area Reporter says, "With a dry wit and a sense of the absurdity of the situation (zombies? In the middle of Ohio? Who would notice the difference?), author Ingram keeps the action brief and the tale short enough to avoid indulgence. It's a romp you can sink your teeth into."

Rue Morgue Magazine proclaims: "This is a clever character study splattered with recognizable horror tropes, in which the heroine confronts not merely zombies but herself, resulting in a tightly paced, humorous tale about the perils of being emotionally repressed and menaced by the undead."

The generosity and kind words of these two reviewers makes my heart go VRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!! (that's a good sound. my doctor might disagree.) (BrazenHead has a dedicated page for EYHO here)

The Goldie Awards are this weekend! THEY ARE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. I hope everyone is having an excellent time at the convention, and I wish I could be there! Good luck, everybody!

I've got good excuses over here!

I'm really bad at blogging in general, but lately I have a GOOD EXCUSE. It could even be a REASON. See, I don't have the internet at my current personal dwelling space. So I have to trek to a coffee shop or something to get any real work in that area done. There's only so much an iPhone can do before it gets annoying (or before I get distracted by Words with Friends).

SO ANYWAY

Eat Your Heart Out is a Goldie finalist in the Speculative Fiction category! There is some pretty stiff competition here, but I am excited to be among them! Hopefully I will get to attend the conference, if I can swing my work schedule the right way.

Okay that's all I got. OH...the website is updated with a bit of press and event info. See you in a month or something!